Even when I look through the dirty window panes thick with mortar dust from the tuck pointer’s work closely, I can still barely see the steady downpour outside. The rhythmic sound of the rain is calming though, and I do my best to focus my attention on the pattering noise on the glass and box breathe.

IN. Two, three, four…

HOLD. Two, three, four…

OUT. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…

REPEAT.

It’s just after 6am, and I am crawling out of my skin. The physical sensation I am experiencing, which isn’t quite painful rather it’s ENORMOUSLY uncomfortable, seems to exist mainly in my lower spine and legs. I’m pretty sure it’s neurological. It feels like I have electrical pulses ripping through my lower back and legs which cause me to flail around in enormous discomfort. Leaping out of whatever position I find myself in when I get these “shocks” throughout my body, I desperately try to stretch, move or redirect the electric pulse pumping through my spine and down the backs of my legs.

This experience is common these days, and I find it maddening.

I refer to this ridiculous state of discomfort as “having the squirmies.” Using the childlike terminology is one of the strange coping mechanisms I realize I have developed to help myself process the wild range of physical and psychological “experiences” I encounter.

Dealing with various forms of insomnia has been something I have encountered throughout my life. The National Institute of Health describes insomnia as, “a common sleep disorder. With insomnia, you may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting good quality sleep. This happens even if you have the time and the right environment to sleep well. Insomnia can get in the way of your daily activities and may make you feel sleepy during the day.”

The Mayo Clinic lists the following as symptoms of insomnia:

Insomnia symptoms may include:

• Difficulty falling asleep at night

• Waking up during the night

• Waking up too early

• Not feeling well-rested after a night's sleep

• Daytime tiredness or sleepiness

• Irritability, depression or anxiety

• Difficulty paying attention, focusing on tasks or remembering

• Increased errors or accidents

• Ongoing worries about sleep